Have you ever had someone break up the face to face conversation when their phone rings or when they get a text message? Of course, you have! Everyone has! Because in today’s world we want to put our dopamine fixes ahead of face to face conversations. When the phone rings or dings, we feel important. Kinda like the real estate agent who has his collar up because he made a sale. We instantly feel wanted and love the fact that someone cares about us. Meanwhile the person that’s in front of you feels like the most unimportant person in the world because at that time you placed all your importance on the message that you just got rather than looking into their eyes.
In the modern world, listening is not a skill that’s practiced as much as it was before the technology revolution. Through social media, reading on screen has become a lot more important than listening. Now-a-days, you will be lucky if you can have a 30 minute uninterrupted conversation with someone without them looking at their smart phone or smart watch. We are so addicted to our phones that we forget to listen to the person that’s looking into your eyes talking to you. Multiple times a day, we stop conversing with someone that’s in front of us to take a glimpse of a message that’s on your phone or smart watch. You immediately give more importance to your phone than the person you’re talking to. You may not think much of it, but the moment you cast your eyes to your phone, you are giving the message more priority than the person in front of you.
How many times have you joined someone for a coffee, meeting, or lunch have they put their phones on the table facing up? Then as soon as the phone illuminates, they cast their eyes to it, totally breaking up the conversation that’s happening right in front of them. They look up and then say, sorry, where were we again? It is no wonder we find it hard to concentrate for longer than 10 mins! Why is it that we must have a look the message we received instantly and not after the meeting? Why is it that we must answer the phone call during a face to face conversation? Yes, we are busy, yes we now pack our days full of activity, and yes we like to be connected to our friends and family over social media, but do we need to be connected so much that we must disrespect the person that’s seated opposite us? I promise you, the world will not end if you put leave your phone on silent and in your pocket for one hour at a time.
I realise we all have families and want to be available when they need us, but most of the time they call, it isn’t urgent. Let your close ones know, to call twice if they really need us and let them know if you call them once and you’re busy, you’ll call them back after the meeting. This will allow you to be worry free when you’re in the meeting and will allow you to really listen to the person you’re talking to without your mind drifting to other thoughts.
To be able to listen in this world full of distractions, we need to be proactive with our approach. It is important to maintain eye contact and really listen and take the time to understand the person in front of you. Barack Obama once said “treat the person in front of you as if they’re the most important person in your life.” When you place so much importance on the person you’re listening to, you automatically have high respect for them and are able to empathise with them to ask them intelligent questions. To give undivided attention to the person in front of you, it is crucial to put aside your thoughts about your thoughts about your previous or next meetings. We are bombarded with thoughts because we consume so much information in a given day that it is hard to concentrate on the person in front of you.
Technology is impacting heavily on our ability to listen to others and
be able to form meaningful relationships. We need to put our
technological distractions away to be able to listen with intent and
give ourselves the opportunity to learn from others’ unique experiences
“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you
listen, you may learn something new”
-Dalai Lama
